so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
