i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
