I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
