do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
