Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
