Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
