They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
