Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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