Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This baby is an asshole
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
