i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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