Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
