I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
