my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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