thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
