You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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