The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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