I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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