i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
