a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
