one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
