I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
