shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
