fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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