Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
