If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
