Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
