Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm at about main and main street
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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