Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You are a genius and a whore.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
