her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
