i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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