oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The uberlube is also flammable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
