Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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