when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
