He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
