at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
