so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
