His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
