this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
