Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
