who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
