they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
