Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
