I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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