So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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