escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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