I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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