peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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