i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My vagina just recognized that song.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pants are for mortals
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
