You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
