I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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