i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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